right, thats it, all the myspace blog i wanted to save is now transfered! sorry it has come all at once, i didnt think there was so much of it...
appearance of blog has also changed somewhat! sorry! had issues with widening the middle band, it seemed to be getting smaller, but that turned out to be a www.shabbyblogs.com issue! so im on bloggers own designs now (cept do you like the candycorn border at the top?)
kisses xx
Showing posts with label myspace blog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label myspace blog. Show all posts
Friday, 24 September 2010
17/05/06 [dads birthday]
dad said there was an alarm on my car
i denied all knowledge of this and we set to find out
wound down window and locked car
tried to open it from inside and force lock
didnt work
lent against it to rock it to see if alarm went off
no force at all to rock light car
but
massive dint in car door
what the fuck is it made of? cardboard???
now
majorly pissed off and birthday boy dad is pissed off with me
dad said there was an alarm on my car
i denied all knowledge of this and we set to find out
wound down window and locked car
tried to open it from inside and force lock
didnt work
lent against it to rock it to see if alarm went off
no force at all to rock light car
but
massive dint in car door
what the fuck is it made of? cardboard???
now
majorly pissed off and birthday boy dad is pissed off with me
stupid 16 year olds!
This is a compilation of actual student GCSE answers
1.Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the sarah dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere
2.The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created form an apple tree. One of their children, Cain asked, "Am I my brother's son ?"
3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
4.Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
5.The Greeks where a highly people, and without them we wouldn't have history .The Greeks also had Myths, A myth is a female moth.
6. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.
7. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went round giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death his career suffered a dramatic decline.
8. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.
9.Eventually the Romans conquered the Greeks, History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.
10.Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul, The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee Brutus."
11.Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
12. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man could be hanged twice for the same offence.
13.In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.
14.Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.
15.Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen," As a queen she was a success, When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah".
16.It was an age of great inventions and discoveries, Gutenburg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood, Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.
17. The greatest writer of the renaissance was William Shakespeare, He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday, He never made much money and his famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hystorectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of an heroic couplet, Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
18. Writing at the same time was Miguel Cervantes, He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton, Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
19.During the Renaissance America began, Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.
20.Later, the pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers, Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.
21.One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists could send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the Colonists won the war and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress, Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence, Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared , " A horse divided against itself cannot stand". Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
22.Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.
23. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation, on the night of April 14 , 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
24.Meanwhile in Europe, the Enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.
25.Gravity was invented by Issac Walton, It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.
26. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practised on an old 'spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large.
26. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practised on an old 'spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large.
27.Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
28.The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a Baroness, she couldn't have any children.
29.The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the west.
30.Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on the throne for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practised virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.
31.The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men.
Louis Pasteur discovered the cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
33. The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history
just before halloween 2007
ok, i was woken by kefford (m) wanting me to go to whitby with him to get kefford (p) and his lass harriet cos a crazed gimp manic with a machete wanted to cut off harrys legs and rape her - his words not mine... so with my rabies (not hangover) we set off to the east coast...
pirate ship...
harbour...
the coolest of dogs (not mine)
harrys ballooOOoon
steam train!! chooo chooo!
weirdly named but with a tiny door...
bottom of the 199 steps i tried to run up, nearly dying halfway but making myslef go up the rest without stopping, i thought my heart was gonna burst!
top of steps...
going back to the car...
i had a fucking ace day, not the kind of thing you can plan, it was amazing, and i got the most beautiful jet necklace... xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
p.s. ta kef
[comments]
harry- that guy was a nutter...... hahaha
who won when we raced up the stairs??? xxxxxx
[comments]
harry- that guy was a nutter...... hahaha
who won when we raced up the stairs??? xxxxxx
At a French airport a group of American retired teachers recently went to France on a tour. Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, was part of the tour group. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on.
You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.
Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible!" barked the officer. "Americans always have to show their passports on arrival in France ."
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."
You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.
Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible!" barked the officer. "Americans always have to show their passports on arrival in France ."
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."
Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this. Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney. The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes.The game is called "Mate Match". The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers "yes", he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize. One particular game, however, several months ago made the City of Big Shoulders drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing I've heard yet.
Anyway, here's how it all went down:
DJ: "Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate
Match'?"
Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win. What is your name? First only please."
Contestant: "Brian."
DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"
Brian: "Yes."
DJ: "Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're what?"
Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."
DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."
Brian: "Sara."
DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"
Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"
Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."
DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"
Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
DJ: "Brian! Stay with me here!"
Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."
DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."
DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"
Brian: "About 10 minutes."
DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake."
Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."
DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this
morning?"
Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."
DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"
Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mom is staying with Us
for a couple of weeks..."
DJ: "Uh huh..."
Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time."
DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian: "On the kitchen table."
DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous
Hundred times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get this wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this."
3 minutes of commercials follow.
DJ: "Okay audience, let's call Sarah, shall we?"
(touch tones.....ringing....)
Clerk: "Kinkos."
DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"
Clerk: "This is she."
DJ: "Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right Now
and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."
Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"
DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to
give any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the
rules of'Mate Match'?"
Sarah: "No."
DJ: "Good!"
Brian: (laughing)
Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"
Brian (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest."
DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah.
If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.
Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?"
Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to
work."
DJ: "What time?"
Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."
DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"
Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."
DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect
his manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?"
Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Where did you have it?"
Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that, did you?"
Brian: "Just tell him, honey."
DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?"
Sarah: "Well..."
DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?
Sarah: "Up the arse....."
After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a station
break" ______
Anyway, here's how it all went down:
DJ: "Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate
Match'?"
Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win. What is your name? First only please."
Contestant: "Brian."
DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"
Brian: "Yes."
DJ: "Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're what?"
Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."
DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."
Brian: "Sara."
DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"
Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"
Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."
DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"
Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
DJ: "Brian! Stay with me here!"
Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."
DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."
DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"
Brian: "About 10 minutes."
DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake."
Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."
DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this
morning?"
Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."
DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"
Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mom is staying with Us
for a couple of weeks..."
DJ: "Uh huh..."
Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time."
DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian: "On the kitchen table."
DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous
Hundred times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get this wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this."
3 minutes of commercials follow.
DJ: "Okay audience, let's call Sarah, shall we?"
(touch tones.....ringing....)
Clerk: "Kinkos."
DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"
Clerk: "This is she."
DJ: "Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right Now
and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."
Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"
DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to
give any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the
rules of'Mate Match'?"
Sarah: "No."
DJ: "Good!"
Brian: (laughing)
Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"
Brian (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest."
DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah.
If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.
Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?"
Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to
work."
DJ: "What time?"
Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."
DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"
Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."
DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect
his manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?"
Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Where did you have it?"
Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that, did you?"
Brian: "Just tell him, honey."
DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?"
Sarah: "Well..."
DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?
Sarah: "Up the arse....."
After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a station
break" ______
VW
The following is an actual advertisement in an Irish Newspaper..!
1985 Blue Volkswagen Golf
Only 15 km
Only first gear and reverse used
Never driven hard
Original tyres
Original brakes
Original fuel and oil
Only 1 driver Owner
Wishing to sell due to employment lay-off
Please see Attached photo…..
1985 Blue Volkswagen Golf
Only 15 km
Only first gear and reverse used
Never driven hard
Original tyres
Original brakes
Original fuel and oil
Only 1 driver Owner
Wishing to sell due to employment lay-off
Please see Attached photo…..
ive always loved this...
1. Chop cabbage into large bowl.
2. Look for green peppers.
3. Drive to store.
4. Choose green peppers.
5. Carry them to cashier.
6. Drive home.
7. Find wallet.
8. Drive to store.
9. Buy green peppers.
10. Drive home.
11. Chop green peppers into bowl.
12. Look for mayonnaise.
13. Drive to store.
14. Buy mayonnaise.
15. Drive home.
16. Mix mayonnaise into bowl.
17. Look for raisins.
18. Drive to store.
19. Buy stupid raisins.
20. Ignore stupid cashier's snickering.
21. Drive home.
22. Mix raisins into bowl.
23. Look for miserable lousy stupid carrots.
24. Drive to stupid lousy store.
25. Buy miserable stupid lousy carrots.
26. Call stupid miserable snickering cashier a Nazi.
27. Crawl to car.
28. Drive home.
29. Chop stupid damned miserable lousy carrots into damned stupid lousy miserable bowl.
30. Look for finger.
31. Look harder for finger.
32. Look everywhere for finger.
33. See cat scurrying away.
34. Follow cat into new neighbor's house, surprising him in middle of drug deal.
35. Dive over sofa to escape gunfire, landing on cat's tail, causing cat to screech and jump up into new neighbor's face and claw his eyes as he's bending over the sofa about to shoot you, enabling you to grab the gun from his hand, enabling you to hold the gun on him until the cops arrive, who then arrest him and drive you and the cat to the hospital where the cat's stomach is pumped and your finger is found and sewn back on good as new.
36. Collect reward of half of neighbor's property from drug auction, then just buy all the delicious cole slaw you want from a nice deli.
2. Look for green peppers.
3. Drive to store.
4. Choose green peppers.
5. Carry them to cashier.
6. Drive home.
7. Find wallet.
8. Drive to store.
9. Buy green peppers.
10. Drive home.
11. Chop green peppers into bowl.
12. Look for mayonnaise.
13. Drive to store.
14. Buy mayonnaise.
15. Drive home.
16. Mix mayonnaise into bowl.
17. Look for raisins.
18. Drive to store.
19. Buy stupid raisins.
20. Ignore stupid cashier's snickering.
21. Drive home.
22. Mix raisins into bowl.
23. Look for miserable lousy stupid carrots.
24. Drive to stupid lousy store.
25. Buy miserable stupid lousy carrots.
26. Call stupid miserable snickering cashier a Nazi.
27. Crawl to car.
28. Drive home.
29. Chop stupid damned miserable lousy carrots into damned stupid lousy miserable bowl.
30. Look for finger.
31. Look harder for finger.
32. Look everywhere for finger.
33. See cat scurrying away.
34. Follow cat into new neighbor's house, surprising him in middle of drug deal.
35. Dive over sofa to escape gunfire, landing on cat's tail, causing cat to screech and jump up into new neighbor's face and claw his eyes as he's bending over the sofa about to shoot you, enabling you to grab the gun from his hand, enabling you to hold the gun on him until the cops arrive, who then arrest him and drive you and the cat to the hospital where the cat's stomach is pumped and your finger is found and sewn back on good as new.
36. Collect reward of half of neighbor's property from drug auction, then just buy all the delicious cole slaw you want from a nice deli.
a more couple old blog posts...
Thursday 05/07/2007
my cd player in my car has died. it wont play anything resembling a disc. damnit. just past sheffied and it died. *sobs*
izzy the retard (love you) left her keys at home
had a penacillin factory in her room when we go there
and she doesnt know her way around brum
tho neither do i
i took 3 wrong turns haha
least i did spaghetti right this time!!!
stolen her rancid hoodie. its got a tiny head hole but its warm and comfy
off to watch the csi's dads taped me now
then sleep
glorious sleep
xxx
izzy the retard (love you) left her keys at home
had a penacillin factory in her room when we go there
and she doesnt know her way around brum
tho neither do i
i took 3 wrong turns haha
least i did spaghetti right this time!!!
stolen her rancid hoodie. its got a tiny head hole but its warm and comfy
off to watch the csi's dads taped me now
then sleep
glorious sleep
xxx
Thursday 19/04/2007
y'see. i love my dogs. theyre ace.
but
in the garden today... dad noticed some odd behaviour little did he know he was just catching the end of it....
tess and casa are little and very quick
theyd spotted a mouse
followed it to its nest and tess, the little jcb in disguise that she is- had dug it out. and theyd eaten the mice. this is what dad caught...
hes had to fill in the hole cos he fell in it
whoever bred terriers to 'rat' i wish i could slap you...
but
in the garden today... dad noticed some odd behaviour little did he know he was just catching the end of it....
tess and casa are little and very quick
theyd spotted a mouse
followed it to its nest and tess, the little jcb in disguise that she is- had dug it out. and theyd eaten the mice. this is what dad caught...
hes had to fill in the hole cos he fell in it
whoever bred terriers to 'rat' i wish i could slap you...
Thursday, 23 September 2010
heheheheh i havent read or seen any of these for some time, but ive dragged these from my myspace blog cos i love them...
this first one makes me think of fran. shes in the green top...
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic
School Usually she slept through the class.
One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. "Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?"
When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend
sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
"God Almighty!"! shouted Mary Margaret.
The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class.
A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord
and Savior?"
But Mary didn't stir from her slumber Once again, Johnny came
to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt.
"Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again
said, "Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.
The Nun asked her a third question..."What did Eve
say to Adam after she had her twenty -third child?"
Again, Johnny came to the rescue.
This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick
that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
The nun fainted...........
School Usually she slept through the class.
One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. "Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?"
When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend
sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
"God Almighty!"! shouted Mary Margaret.
The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class.
A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord
and Savior?"
But Mary didn't stir from her slumber Once again, Johnny came
to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt.
"Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again
said, "Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.
The Nun asked her a third question..."What did Eve
say to Adam after she had her twenty -third child?"
Again, Johnny came to the rescue.
This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick
that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
The nun fainted...........
Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity.
1. At Lunch Time, Sit in Your Parked Car with Sunglasses on and
point a Hair Dryer at Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want
Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."
5. Put Decaf In
the Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once everyone has
gotten over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling
Diamonds"
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With the Prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious
face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical
Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their
Party Because You're
Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock
Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot,
Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are
Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......
Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile.
Its Called therapy.
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell
the difference.......
1. At Lunch Time, Sit in Your Parked Car with Sunglasses on and
point a Hair Dryer at Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want
Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."
5. Put Decaf In
the Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once everyone has
gotten over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling
Diamonds"
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With the Prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious
face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical
Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their
Party Because You're
Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock
Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot,
Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are
Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......
Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile.
Its Called therapy.
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell
the difference.......
heheheh
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
my time in america, from my myspace blog
i am fully aware of the spelling mistakes in this. and major grammatical errors, but after correcting about 30 i got bored...
Current mood:
awake
Current mood:
sleepy
Current mood: sleepy
Current mood:
cheerful
Current mood:
bored
Current mood: bored
Current mood:
contemplative
Current mood:
melancholy
Friday 05/10/2007
Current mood:
awakeyo, well im here and ive slept haha. right yesterday, on the 4th... i woke up about half 4am, got up for a shower at 5, repacked and waited for the taxi, my dad was a bit teary when he saw me off at 6 which was sweet, go to the airport and did airport shiz, played in the biz lounge and waited, boarded, flew to frankfurt, got tres excited when i saw the sign for Dusseldorf, rushed to my gate, went and relaxed in the biz lounge, this time so i could see the news after Karl had told me a plane had crashed, thanks Karl. and to grab a drink cos i forgot to take any euros with me!
then i got on the plane. the boeing 747 was sweet as. the air crew would not stop feeding me i swear they were obsessed. i stole the cutest pot of cherry jam tho lol. and the cutlery was wicked. metal. etched. and tiny haha.
the plane took the weirdest route ever to get here, i flew over canada, washington and nevada. my seat rocked, i had a sleppy seat so i could lay down flat which was odd, the blanket was uber static tho. i had a tv to myself and a choice of all kinds of movies, radio stations, tv shows and shit. so i...
listened to Baby 81 by BRMC
watched Because I Said So which was hilarious
turned off Spiderman 3 cos it was shite, i didnt even see him in black, i got too bored
watched Surfs up, it was fucking wicked i cant wait for it to come out on DVD, it rules!
i listen to my iPod
played sudoku
and read 2 acts of The Crucible. which i started in Frankfurt airport.
there was a really nice lady sat next to me called Carole who i never go tot say bye to thanks to immigration or whatever, i had to refill out the forms cos i fucked up and then she scared me with my temp visa, saying if i dont sort it when i come back to the airport to go home i will never get into america again. i really hope i figure out what shes on about.
got a taxi to Karens, even tho the taxi driver had no fucking clue where he was going and had to use a map all the way. the freeway was boring. you couldnt see shit. got to Karens, met Karen lol, Mon and Keith, went to the grocery store, bought shitloads, had a quick shower then went to Drews house with Karen, Monika stayed in, i met... people lol, Patt, Drew, Courtney, Ben, Meagan aaand saw Keith again, Drews got rocks. i love it. and his home is major amazing.
i went to sleep on my 28th hour of being awake. seriously. id only had 4 hours sleep before that, was awake for 12 before that, asleep for 3 before that and up for 18 before that haha. scary. i started to loose all my senses tho last night after like 15 hours haha, balence and speech were shot, im sure people in the market thought i was drunk lol.
its 0920 now, hmm... what can i do?
then i got on the plane. the boeing 747 was sweet as. the air crew would not stop feeding me i swear they were obsessed. i stole the cutest pot of cherry jam tho lol. and the cutlery was wicked. metal. etched. and tiny haha.
the plane took the weirdest route ever to get here, i flew over canada, washington and nevada. my seat rocked, i had a sleppy seat so i could lay down flat which was odd, the blanket was uber static tho. i had a tv to myself and a choice of all kinds of movies, radio stations, tv shows and shit. so i...
listened to Baby 81 by BRMC
watched Because I Said So which was hilarious
turned off Spiderman 3 cos it was shite, i didnt even see him in black, i got too bored
watched Surfs up, it was fucking wicked i cant wait for it to come out on DVD, it rules!
i listen to my iPod
played sudoku
and read 2 acts of The Crucible. which i started in Frankfurt airport.
there was a really nice lady sat next to me called Carole who i never go tot say bye to thanks to immigration or whatever, i had to refill out the forms cos i fucked up and then she scared me with my temp visa, saying if i dont sort it when i come back to the airport to go home i will never get into america again. i really hope i figure out what shes on about.
got a taxi to Karens, even tho the taxi driver had no fucking clue where he was going and had to use a map all the way. the freeway was boring. you couldnt see shit. got to Karens, met Karen lol, Mon and Keith, went to the grocery store, bought shitloads, had a quick shower then went to Drews house with Karen, Monika stayed in, i met... people lol, Patt, Drew, Courtney, Ben, Meagan aaand saw Keith again, Drews got rocks. i love it. and his home is major amazing.
i went to sleep on my 28th hour of being awake. seriously. id only had 4 hours sleep before that, was awake for 12 before that, asleep for 3 before that and up for 18 before that haha. scary. i started to loose all my senses tho last night after like 15 hours haha, balence and speech were shot, im sure people in the market thought i was drunk lol.
its 0920 now, hmm... what can i do?
Saturday 06/10/2007
Current mood:
sleepy woop today was ace, i woke up really early and Amanda took me to Karens work along PCH [pacific coast highway], ive seen Seal, Huntinigton and Newport Beaches and and then dropped me off at the mall... i bought some aaaaaaace shit. heart hallowe'en and it appears the americans love it just as much. woop woop. and the amazign selection of dc and famous stars and straps shiz is amazing... the was a freaking carousel in the mall. seriously.
amanda just made and amazing meal and we're drinking strawberry margeritas and watching Waiting. its a fab movie. hella sick. it brings back memories from working at the aspley, fenay and everywhere else.
i also tidied Monikas room
n_n
amanda just made and amazing meal and we're drinking strawberry margeritas and watching Waiting. its a fab movie. hella sick. it brings back memories from working at the aspley, fenay and everywhere else.
i also tidied Monikas room
n_n
Sunday 07/10/2007
Current mood:
sleepy today was ace in so many ways. got up early, went to a video shoot, walked to a liqor store (!) to buy camels (!) on my own (!) from Drews house (!) bought a jamba juice (!) ate a CALIFORNIA ROLL IN CALIFORNIA! Aaron Barrett didnt show (BOO) went to a 'english bar' where my mate got a newkie brown FOR CHEAPER THAN THEY SELL IN THE PARISH (!) got attacked by the pacific (!) got changed in a car on the backseat (!) went to a 'typical american bar' and got scared, i felt like i was in a movie. got driven home and walked to my door, well, i got driven everywhere today besides my little excursion to the liqor and smoothie store. and today was hot. and sunny. it rocked.
Monday 08/10/2007
Current mood:
cheerful yo, omg this place is amazing, yesterday Monika and I went to Griffith Park Observatory, it took a while to get there due to crap signposting but it was well worth it when we got there! i held a meteor! an actal meteor. and i weigh 25lb on the moon and i saw a seismograph and tonnes of other shit! look here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Griffith_Observatory for more info on what i saw or just wait for the pictures on facebook? but i couldnt obviously take pics of everything so... yeah. it was amazing. there was this brand new theatre, totally round where you lay down on these seats and look up at the celing whilst this lady chatters on and shows you all kinds of amazing shit about space, i was in awe all day! and then on the journey back , after seeing a star cluster thru a massive telescope on the top of the building... i saw West Coast Choppers and the garage and the restaurant Jesse James owns, we're off to the restaurant sometime this week. should be cool.
ive also got myslef quite the addiction to Jamba Juice. Mega Mango with a Daily Vitamin Shot. ROCKS. might try another flavour today if i can pursuade Amanda or Ben n_n to take me for one lol, i gott ago to target oo and buy these Hallowe'en Pjs i saw...
yay for cali, yay for sun, yay for amazingness. x
p.s.
You WILL have seen the Observatory somewhere...
The observatory was featured in a number of scenes in the James Dean film Rebel Without a Cause; a bust of James Dean was subsequently placed at the west side of the grounds. More recently it appeared in the movies The Terminator, The Rocketeer, The End of Violence, Bowfinger, Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, the 1999 remake of House on Haunted Hill, Queen of the Damned, and Transformers.
ive also got myslef quite the addiction to Jamba Juice. Mega Mango with a Daily Vitamin Shot. ROCKS. might try another flavour today if i can pursuade Amanda or Ben n_n to take me for one lol, i gott ago to target oo and buy these Hallowe'en Pjs i saw...
yay for cali, yay for sun, yay for amazingness. x
p.s.
You WILL have seen the Observatory somewhere...
The observatory was featured in a number of scenes in the James Dean film Rebel Without a Cause; a bust of James Dean was subsequently placed at the west side of the grounds. More recently it appeared in the movies The Terminator, The Rocketeer, The End of Violence, Bowfinger, Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, the 1999 remake of House on Haunted Hill, Queen of the Damned, and Transformers.
Tuesday 09/10/2007
Current mood:
bored woop, monday, yesterday was amazing. Ben picked me up and took me to the Long Beach Aquarium! we had such and amazing time, they had neon fish! woop! tonnes of pics to go up, but maybe when i get home cos my batt has started to die now. 
i got a little dizzy and sick in the aquarium due to the high heat, lack of food and water and silly optics, but ben looked after me n_n lol. then we went for a walk to the light house and chillaxed looking at the queen mary, my skirt was misbehaving and im sure most of long beach saw, well, everything. we went to Outback, which is an aussie restaurant. i know i couldnt go to an american one could i? nope! had an ace med-rare steak which i thought was gonna make ben faint "you like red meat? wow, and youre a girl" and i drank HUCKLEBERRY LEMONADE which was gorgeous! theeeen we went down to huntington and to the end of the pier, watched HARDCORE girl surfers in tshirts and panties out at night, its where they hold the surf championships ive been told. then we went up to sunset and whilst in the car 'talking' we had some freak watching us and he called the cops so we had to skoot pretty quickly home, again got walked to my door n_n and went to bed. was supposed to be off up to LA today but Ronnie isnt playing 
i got a little dizzy and sick in the aquarium due to the high heat, lack of food and water and silly optics, but ben looked after me n_n lol. then we went for a walk to the light house and chillaxed looking at the queen mary, my skirt was misbehaving and im sure most of long beach saw, well, everything. we went to Outback, which is an aussie restaurant. i know i couldnt go to an american one could i? nope! had an ace med-rare steak which i thought was gonna make ben faint "you like red meat? wow, and youre a girl" and i drank HUCKLEBERRY LEMONADE which was gorgeous! theeeen we went down to huntington and to the end of the pier, watched HARDCORE girl surfers in tshirts and panties out at night, its where they hold the surf championships ive been told. then we went up to sunset and whilst in the car 'talking' we had some freak watching us and he called the cops so we had to skoot pretty quickly home, again got walked to my door n_n and went to bed. was supposed to be off up to LA today but Ronnie isnt playing Tuesday 09/10/2007
Current mood:
bored i also sat in the bay where Howard Hughes flew his big plane thingy apparently. Bens a great tour guide i just have a shit memory! thought about getting a tattoo but then i realised how much shit id get into... x
Saturday 13/10/2007
Current mood:
contemplative Weeeeeelllllll.... Disney was fucking brilliant, and California Adventure! woop woop. i bought loads, went on almost every thign adn had an all round brilliant time with Amanda, her Disabeld pass (shes not ACTUALLY disabled) got us the the front of everything in Disney and there were barely any queues in California Adventue. their rollercoaster rocks. and omg the Terror Tower was sooooooo ace! i got kinda scared tho lol. and the hotel im in now gives you the same feeling in the lift when it desends. argh. after Disney i had 3 in and out protein burgers lol, and then Monika and I watched van wilder and clueless, i wanted to go out cos i'd had my face painted at Disney but mon was sleepy so we didnt go anywhere, then yesterday...
Karen and Ronnie took me to Belmont Shore and i bought a cigarette case and a bracelet, which it appears, im allergic to, the hives on my arm kinda give it away damnit, im not gonna stop wearing it tho, its gorgeous, bloody copper... we had lunch and then they dropped me off at the Queen Mary and i went on a Ghost Sightings Tour, then wandered around the ship. i went to the medical quarantine quarters to see the list of the people that had died and what of. it was really cool, the first ghost on the tour was trapped between engine room doors when there had been an lock down issued due to some problem or other, no one knows if he was playing chicken or running abck for a wrench, but people claim to have seen a man asking for a wrench, and he vanishes when they help him look. he was from yorkshire! woop!, theyre are 3 little girl ghosts on the ship, one in the pool and one in boiler room 5 i think it was. and one in the banana corridor on M (?) deck. those are just aq few but theres some fuck up goings on, ive stood in the room where one woman was woken by her covers been stripped from her bed and a man standing at the end. the lady screamed and pressed the assistance alarm, the man promptly vanished, the steward that came to her aid was walking toward her room at the time and claims no one left her room, there were other things in that room too, other people have stated that lights turn on and off, taps run, windows open and things move. really creepy. people get wafts of cigar smoke from outside the Churchill suite too. our guide had a creepy experience in the pool once- she'd only taken a small group around, 3 adults, and while in there something made a falling noise at the other side of the room, as they went to investigate they heard a small child giggling, there was no child there, the guests thought it was all sound effects til the guide got really freaked out. the pool was the 1st and third class pool, really ornate, mother of pearl celing etc. the first class could have it all the time, with clean water, but when they went to dinner, it was drained, cleaned, filled with salt water and used for the 3rd class passengers, then drained, cleaned and ready for the 1st class when they had done with their meals.
i got Ben to pick me up, we went back to Mons, Mon then came home with Erin and we all went to Tsunami sushi, we all ate waaaaaaaay too much and for a change i couldnt finish my meal! scary shit! Then Mon took Erin and I to Johnnys for a drink and then home, Ben had to be up at 4am so he went after the meal.
today Amanda and I watched part of Hitchhikers guide then Karen came and got me and i checked into the Westin Hotel by the pike next to the beach (10-15 mins walk from sand !!!!!!!), im gonna be back late tonight and im fussing about the next coupla days so i checked into a hotel so i wouldnt be messing Mon and Amanda about as much as i had been, and i can get to LAX easier on Monday morning too. *sigh*
im hungry, but i dont reckon im gonna get anything b4 we head off to the CLB gig. should be a blast x
Karen and Ronnie took me to Belmont Shore and i bought a cigarette case and a bracelet, which it appears, im allergic to, the hives on my arm kinda give it away damnit, im not gonna stop wearing it tho, its gorgeous, bloody copper... we had lunch and then they dropped me off at the Queen Mary and i went on a Ghost Sightings Tour, then wandered around the ship. i went to the medical quarantine quarters to see the list of the people that had died and what of. it was really cool, the first ghost on the tour was trapped between engine room doors when there had been an lock down issued due to some problem or other, no one knows if he was playing chicken or running abck for a wrench, but people claim to have seen a man asking for a wrench, and he vanishes when they help him look. he was from yorkshire! woop!, theyre are 3 little girl ghosts on the ship, one in the pool and one in boiler room 5 i think it was. and one in the banana corridor on M (?) deck. those are just aq few but theres some fuck up goings on, ive stood in the room where one woman was woken by her covers been stripped from her bed and a man standing at the end. the lady screamed and pressed the assistance alarm, the man promptly vanished, the steward that came to her aid was walking toward her room at the time and claims no one left her room, there were other things in that room too, other people have stated that lights turn on and off, taps run, windows open and things move. really creepy. people get wafts of cigar smoke from outside the Churchill suite too. our guide had a creepy experience in the pool once- she'd only taken a small group around, 3 adults, and while in there something made a falling noise at the other side of the room, as they went to investigate they heard a small child giggling, there was no child there, the guests thought it was all sound effects til the guide got really freaked out. the pool was the 1st and third class pool, really ornate, mother of pearl celing etc. the first class could have it all the time, with clean water, but when they went to dinner, it was drained, cleaned, filled with salt water and used for the 3rd class passengers, then drained, cleaned and ready for the 1st class when they had done with their meals.
i got Ben to pick me up, we went back to Mons, Mon then came home with Erin and we all went to Tsunami sushi, we all ate waaaaaaaay too much and for a change i couldnt finish my meal! scary shit! Then Mon took Erin and I to Johnnys for a drink and then home, Ben had to be up at 4am so he went after the meal.
today Amanda and I watched part of Hitchhikers guide then Karen came and got me and i checked into the Westin Hotel by the pike next to the beach (10-15 mins walk from sand !!!!!!!), im gonna be back late tonight and im fussing about the next coupla days so i checked into a hotel so i wouldnt be messing Mon and Amanda about as much as i had been, and i can get to LAX easier on Monday morning too. *sigh*
im hungry, but i dont reckon im gonna get anything b4 we head off to the CLB gig. should be a blast x
Wednesday 17/10/2007
Current mood:
melancholy yknow the speed limit in the Disney parking garage was only 14 miles an hour? FOURTEEN no one knows why. v.v.v strange.
anyway.
now im all weird feelings and dirty laundry cos im back. the past few days have been a blur, the flight back was cool, quick and easy and when the plane landed on manchester soil the rain wasnt half coming down. dad should be happy ive left my amercian twang in Long Beach. man i miss Long Beach, like you wouldnt believe. and that shower in The Westin. and steak, eggs and hash browns. phwoar, what a breakfast in the cafe across from 3636! *sigh*
amanda driving me to every Target in the area and for a Hallowe'en outfit was a cool time too. those hallowe'en pants and top from target rock. so does all the Hallowe'en CRAP i bought. man i bought alot. i wish i'd bought more tho...
the Aggrolites/CLB gig in Pomona was ace. i drove a car. hahahaha to the gas station for cigs. the guy just doesnt know i borrowed his car... man that was weird, at least it was stick, sadly i hit the door a few times trying to change gear, but Ronnie and Nikki think im a brilliant driver, so im obviously better in America than i am here haha. the heavens opened at that gig. and the drive back to downtown LB was scary. not cos of the weather, but cos of all the SoCalifornians driving in that weather, the people that never see rain were causing accidents, and of course the accident on the 5 that happened at that time too. thats sad. really really sad. CLB were ace that night. first time ive seen them on stage and that fucking rocked.
2 separate hours were taken up by the US post office trying to mail home stuff cos my suitcase wouldnt shut. that was funny tho. i hope i did it all right! my outfit for Hallowe'en is in there!
The Westin was so so nice, the salad on room service was aaaaaace. it made me feel better when i was feeling ill. so did my mini sleep. i watched nascar there. i now understand that the slow laps following the pick-up was so they could clear debris but it still counted as a lap, the fire from the exhausts however are still mysterious! my room was on the 15th floor so i had a pretty ace view and i could hear fire trucks all the time and see signal hill and far far beyond.
the phone rang at 8am Monday morning, the day i was coming home "excuse me ma'am im confused by your breakfast order, you have selected poached eggs, bacon, and orange juice- but no bread?"
me "no, im allergic to it" hangs up, 15 mins later the same lady appears at my door "ma'am are the potatoes okay with your breakfast", "yes, the potatoes will be brilliant thankyou" and they were, not as good as the ones in the porterhouse cafe tho *swoon*
The Westin also had the best shower on earth, seriously. man. i want that shower.
i didnt manage to do half the things i meant to do in CA tho, like go to LA, do La Brea Tar Pits, Mullhalland etc. but i will next time. i fucking will. i saw a few of the stars on sunset tho, when i went to the Maxwell Smart gig. the place the gig was at SUCKED. but Maxwell Smart were the best band there. the other two sucked, well, the last one didnt suck, the dude voice just wasnt right for the well put together band.
but one thing i did do on my own was go to the Queen Mary. that was before i went to the hotel, when i was still at Monikas, Karen and Ronnie picked me up and we went to ... and ate lunch, i had ribs and shopped a little, i bought a bracelet and a cigarette case (to keep money in, GREAT for dollars) and then cos Karen had to go to work, they took me to the Queen Mary, and i went on a Haunted Tour, yes yes, very cool, and i saw all the places, barr one, on the ship (its big famous boat you retards) and stood in vortexes so if a big funky i might be possessed... the first ghost on the tour was down in the bowels of the ship in between 2 engine rooms, the boy had been caught between the doors when a lock down had been issused when the boat was in trouble. he'd been running back in to grab a wrench. he was found crushed between the doors. he was from yorkshire too this kid, he's been seen and has spoken alot. then there was the thumb sucking little girl in the other engine room and the vortex down in there too. the other little girl in the banana corridor, and the other in the 1st/3rd swimming pool. the pool was interesting. it was so beautiful, mother of pearl celing. ornated staircase, double diving boards and slide... little girl ghost... the guide was once showing a small group around, only 3 other adults, and the were walking thru when they heard soemthing fall over, when they went to investigate, nothing had fallen, there was nothing to fall... and walking away they heard a little girl giggle, one of the women in the tour noted how real an effect they used til the guide explained there were no effects and that she couldnt explain it, the little girl likes to play in a room off the pool, and has been seen alot in there, at the other side of the room are the changing rooms,. one girl was raped and murdered in there, and someone on the tour has reportedly had an experience of being held at the throat and when they saw her she had bruising on her throat, i put my hand into a vortex and felt pressure on my middle 2 fingers and a slight tingling. v creepy. the first class used to have the pool all the time, in fresh water and when they went for their dinner, the pool would be emptied and filled with seawater, the 3rd class could then use it, after which it would be drained, cleaned and filled with fresh water for the 1st class again! cool huh? then there was one of the rooms where a lady was sleeping, and woke to her covers been pulled off her and a man standing at the end of her bed. she screamed and pushed the button for the steward, at which point the man vanished, the steward, was walking toward her room when he heard her scream and the alarm go never saw anyone leave her room on his way, up on the same floor there was the little lost girl ghost. and in the 2nd class sitting room, 2 cleaners came in to find a lady in old fashioned clothes sitting there, the tld her she'd have to leave because they had to clean, she looked at them both, but didnt move, they started to clean and tidy and the 3rd cleaner came in and asked the other 2 what the woman was doing sitting there, they said they didnt know and she wouldnt leave, the 3rd cleaner went over to the woman and told her she would have to leave cos she wasnt allowed to be in there at that time, and if she wouldnt she would have to call security. the woman looked at them all and as the 3rd cleaner went to get help she looked back and all 3 cleaners reported the sitting woman vanishing.
i went all around and looked in all the tacky shops and finally found the Isolation Ward, where listed is all the people that have died on the ship, and all the people that stowed away. it was quite cool. kinda morbid tho haha.
i have to add that ronnie is the cutest thing ever, and that nikki is a close second.
american toilets rock. they do. i miss them. especialy the automatic ones. yes yes.
england is so so cold compared to LBC.*sigh* i cant wait to go back
dudes. i miss you ALL. x
anyway.
now im all weird feelings and dirty laundry cos im back. the past few days have been a blur, the flight back was cool, quick and easy and when the plane landed on manchester soil the rain wasnt half coming down. dad should be happy ive left my amercian twang in Long Beach. man i miss Long Beach, like you wouldnt believe. and that shower in The Westin. and steak, eggs and hash browns. phwoar, what a breakfast in the cafe across from 3636! *sigh*
amanda driving me to every Target in the area and for a Hallowe'en outfit was a cool time too. those hallowe'en pants and top from target rock. so does all the Hallowe'en CRAP i bought. man i bought alot. i wish i'd bought more tho...
the Aggrolites/CLB gig in Pomona was ace. i drove a car. hahahaha to the gas station for cigs. the guy just doesnt know i borrowed his car... man that was weird, at least it was stick, sadly i hit the door a few times trying to change gear, but Ronnie and Nikki think im a brilliant driver, so im obviously better in America than i am here haha. the heavens opened at that gig. and the drive back to downtown LB was scary. not cos of the weather, but cos of all the SoCalifornians driving in that weather, the people that never see rain were causing accidents, and of course the accident on the 5 that happened at that time too. thats sad. really really sad. CLB were ace that night. first time ive seen them on stage and that fucking rocked.
2 separate hours were taken up by the US post office trying to mail home stuff cos my suitcase wouldnt shut. that was funny tho. i hope i did it all right! my outfit for Hallowe'en is in there!
The Westin was so so nice, the salad on room service was aaaaaace. it made me feel better when i was feeling ill. so did my mini sleep. i watched nascar there. i now understand that the slow laps following the pick-up was so they could clear debris but it still counted as a lap, the fire from the exhausts however are still mysterious! my room was on the 15th floor so i had a pretty ace view and i could hear fire trucks all the time and see signal hill and far far beyond.
the phone rang at 8am Monday morning, the day i was coming home "excuse me ma'am im confused by your breakfast order, you have selected poached eggs, bacon, and orange juice- but no bread?"
me "no, im allergic to it" hangs up, 15 mins later the same lady appears at my door "ma'am are the potatoes okay with your breakfast", "yes, the potatoes will be brilliant thankyou" and they were, not as good as the ones in the porterhouse cafe tho *swoon*
The Westin also had the best shower on earth, seriously. man. i want that shower.
i didnt manage to do half the things i meant to do in CA tho, like go to LA, do La Brea Tar Pits, Mullhalland etc. but i will next time. i fucking will. i saw a few of the stars on sunset tho, when i went to the Maxwell Smart gig. the place the gig was at SUCKED. but Maxwell Smart were the best band there. the other two sucked, well, the last one didnt suck, the dude voice just wasnt right for the well put together band.
but one thing i did do on my own was go to the Queen Mary. that was before i went to the hotel, when i was still at Monikas, Karen and Ronnie picked me up and we went to ... and ate lunch, i had ribs and shopped a little, i bought a bracelet and a cigarette case (to keep money in, GREAT for dollars) and then cos Karen had to go to work, they took me to the Queen Mary, and i went on a Haunted Tour, yes yes, very cool, and i saw all the places, barr one, on the ship (its big famous boat you retards) and stood in vortexes so if a big funky i might be possessed... the first ghost on the tour was down in the bowels of the ship in between 2 engine rooms, the boy had been caught between the doors when a lock down had been issused when the boat was in trouble. he'd been running back in to grab a wrench. he was found crushed between the doors. he was from yorkshire too this kid, he's been seen and has spoken alot. then there was the thumb sucking little girl in the other engine room and the vortex down in there too. the other little girl in the banana corridor, and the other in the 1st/3rd swimming pool. the pool was interesting. it was so beautiful, mother of pearl celing. ornated staircase, double diving boards and slide... little girl ghost... the guide was once showing a small group around, only 3 other adults, and the were walking thru when they heard soemthing fall over, when they went to investigate, nothing had fallen, there was nothing to fall... and walking away they heard a little girl giggle, one of the women in the tour noted how real an effect they used til the guide explained there were no effects and that she couldnt explain it, the little girl likes to play in a room off the pool, and has been seen alot in there, at the other side of the room are the changing rooms,. one girl was raped and murdered in there, and someone on the tour has reportedly had an experience of being held at the throat and when they saw her she had bruising on her throat, i put my hand into a vortex and felt pressure on my middle 2 fingers and a slight tingling. v creepy. the first class used to have the pool all the time, in fresh water and when they went for their dinner, the pool would be emptied and filled with seawater, the 3rd class could then use it, after which it would be drained, cleaned and filled with fresh water for the 1st class again! cool huh? then there was one of the rooms where a lady was sleeping, and woke to her covers been pulled off her and a man standing at the end of her bed. she screamed and pushed the button for the steward, at which point the man vanished, the steward, was walking toward her room when he heard her scream and the alarm go never saw anyone leave her room on his way, up on the same floor there was the little lost girl ghost. and in the 2nd class sitting room, 2 cleaners came in to find a lady in old fashioned clothes sitting there, the tld her she'd have to leave because they had to clean, she looked at them both, but didnt move, they started to clean and tidy and the 3rd cleaner came in and asked the other 2 what the woman was doing sitting there, they said they didnt know and she wouldnt leave, the 3rd cleaner went over to the woman and told her she would have to leave cos she wasnt allowed to be in there at that time, and if she wouldnt she would have to call security. the woman looked at them all and as the 3rd cleaner went to get help she looked back and all 3 cleaners reported the sitting woman vanishing.
i went all around and looked in all the tacky shops and finally found the Isolation Ward, where listed is all the people that have died on the ship, and all the people that stowed away. it was quite cool. kinda morbid tho haha.
i have to add that ronnie is the cutest thing ever, and that nikki is a close second.
american toilets rock. they do. i miss them. especialy the automatic ones. yes yes.
england is so so cold compared to LBC.*sigh* i cant wait to go back
dudes. i miss you ALL. x
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