Sunday, 15 March 2015

Mother's Day, or the lack thereof.

If all had gone to plan, biologically, today would have been my first Mother's Day.
Today all i want to do is cry when another one of my friends posts a photo with their new baby on their Mother's Day. I feel dead viewing all the other Mother's Day tags and greetings.
Last week passed with my Due Date in it. We had a very depressing day last Thursday, March 5th 2015.
Is this the year of grieving? Or am i depressed? Is it the Tamoxifen I'm on to help me get pregnant again making me crazy?

My (private) GP discovered last month after i went to him feeling like shit, that i have virtually no Vitamin D. He said they're discovering new things about VitD all the time, that they still don't know 100% what it does. After a bit of digging about online i discovered its pretty damn hard to get pregnant or stay pregnant without it. Has this been it all along? Was i fine before or low? Was it that i got pregnant in Summer when the sun was shining and my levels perked up enough to conceive and then the baby took all that i had? Or did the miscarriage just wipe me out of it? So many questions i could drive myself mad over. Why hadn't the fertility unit or my (NHS) GP noticed this drop in VitD when i went to him feeling shit? Would the midwife had known if they had managed to get blood out of me at my first check, had they actually sent a proper midwife and not a sole student on her own that couldn't get a drop of red every time she stabbed my arm?

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